I Hate Positive Thinking

A new pandemic of positive thinking has certainly arrived, at least here in Austin, the wuwu capital of Texas. Everyone has seen the Secret by now (OK, except you -- my one friend who hasn't seen it), and even my dad has heard of Thich Nhat Hanh.

"Pandemic?" you ask. "But Katie, I thought you love and ooze positive thinking?"

It's true.... I do adore positive thinking when used effectively. I love going to Maui in my mind -- and I highly recommend it, too, by the way. I'm a huge fan or the word wuwu, and I use Thich Nhat Hanh's work every day. Part of the NLP outcome frame is to formulate our outcomes in positive terms -- another useful thing to do.

But what if you're afraid of the negative? Some people avoid it at all costs, lurking out of the room whenever something uncomfortable or negative surfaces. Others are angry if you say something negative to them, because they believe it could change the course of their life in a harmful way. They know that language shapes our reality, our possibility, and our beliefs.

More about other people's language later.

I propose that when are afraid of the negative, we miss out on several things.

First, we're missing out on what is. In NLP, we have to start with someone's present state, which contains all sorts of information about the limitations of someone's map of the world. And, if you know how to help the client find it, that present state also contains information about how to transform that limitation into something even more useful for the client -- perhaps even into manifesting their heart's desire. If you skip what is, you miss out on the problem and the solution.

Deleting or refusing to see "negative" things also means that you will very likely miss out on some very important news of difference. If you only look at your own map of the world, there's no road map for other states of consciousness, other ways to reach your goal, other ways to transcend your limitations. And you will need other perspectives, at some point! My friend Spider Joe uses negative or argumentative statements as a reminder to step out of his own ego and into another person's (often contradictory) perspective. From there, he sees some pretty amazing new things!

But Spider Joe is a story for a different day. Back to being afraid of the negative.

Insisting that others edit their speech to delete what you consider negative also means refusing to acknowledge your own role in your experience of reality. Yes, language influences what we think is possible and therefore it influences what we can perceive. But reality doesn't just happen to you. You choose the meaning you're making of "reality." Wouldn't you like to have more flexibility in how you respond to reality? Becoming a creator of reality instead of just a recipient of it means you're actively involved in shifting your own meaning-making towards what's better, lighter, easier.

Learning to respond to what is with increasing flexibility is real positive thinking. It requires acknowledging what is and then, consciously or otherwise, choosing what to make of it.

Here's the thing about positive thinking: Positive thinking is not enough. Action is required, sometimes very challenging action. Just ask Thich Nhat Hahn.

Growing Your Organization

At the core of every religion, business, family, audience, non-profit organization, spiritual path, board of directors, professional association, and group of people, there's a bright, burning core.

Let's call this the territory.

The territory is where all the experience happens. It's where the members of the group live. It's their prayers, daily work, meditations, playing catch in the backyard, dancing together, listening in awe to a piece of music.

Surrounding that core is a bunch of other stuff: beliefs, perceived repetitive behaviors, stories about why this and that is so, perceptual filters, theories, agreement and argument, mission statements, expected capabilities, financial statements, holy texts, rules of order.

Let's call this stuff the map. It refers back to the territory, but it's somehow different. It's about the territory. It's about the experience. But it's not that experience itself.

NLP has taught me that I can change my map. On good days, I remember this and it's mostly easy now.

On bad days,... well, that's a story for another day!

So, your organization wants to grow? Great. There's only two thing you really need to do. If you accomplish these two things, people will overlook huge administrative errors and typos and weird furniture and sloppy clothes and accents and bad manners.

Help people get to the territory. And then, any time you enter the map to discuss the territory, talk about it in a way that makes the people feel better than they usually feel.

That's it. You do not need a new sanctuary, better-dressed members, more snacks, glossy brochures, a bus plan to bring in people, a class to teach members how to interact with new people, more closet space, leather bound books.... unless those things help people get to the territory and talk about the territory in a way that makes them feel better than they usually feel.

If you miss these two things, your organization may grow a little, if you're lucky. But there is not enough new carpet in the world to compete with direct experience in the territory and feeling good in the map. People are drawn to places that bring them to the territory and have a great time talking about it.

More to come about my own map of how to do this.

What are you thoughts? I'd love to know them. Drop me a line or leave a comment.