A new pandemic of positive thinking has certainly arrived, at least here in Austin, the wuwu capital of Texas. Everyone has seen the Secret by now (OK, except you -- my one friend who hasn't seen it), and even my dad has heard of Thich Nhat Hanh.
"Pandemic?" you ask. "But Katie, I thought you love and ooze positive thinking?"
It's true.... I do adore positive thinking when used effectively. I love going to Maui in my mind -- and I highly recommend it, too, by the way. I'm a huge fan or the word wuwu, and I use Thich Nhat Hanh's work every day. Part of the NLP outcome frame is to formulate our outcomes in positive terms -- another useful thing to do.
But what if you're afraid of the negative? Some people avoid it at all costs, lurking out of the room whenever something uncomfortable or negative surfaces. Others are angry if you say something negative to them, because they believe it could change the course of their life in a harmful way. They know that language shapes our reality, our possibility, and our beliefs.
More about other people's language later.
I propose that when are afraid of the negative, we miss out on several things.
First, we're missing out on what is. In NLP, we have to start with someone's present state, which contains all sorts of information about the limitations of someone's map of the world. And, if you know how to help the client find it, that present state also contains information about how to transform that limitation into something even more useful for the client -- perhaps even into manifesting their heart's desire. If you skip what is, you miss out on the problem and the solution.
Deleting or refusing to see "negative" things also means that you will very likely miss out on some very important news of difference. If you only look at your own map of the world, there's no road map for other states of consciousness, other ways to reach your goal, other ways to transcend your limitations. And you will need other perspectives, at some point! My friend Spider Joe uses negative or argumentative statements as a reminder to step out of his own ego and into another person's (often contradictory) perspective. From there, he sees some pretty amazing new things!
But Spider Joe is a story for a different day. Back to being afraid of the negative.
Insisting that others edit their speech to delete what you consider negative also means refusing to acknowledge your own role in your experience of reality. Yes, language influences what we think is possible and therefore it influences what we can perceive. But reality doesn't just happen to you. You choose the meaning you're making of "reality." Wouldn't you like to have more flexibility in how you respond to reality? Becoming a creator of reality instead of just a recipient of it means you're actively involved in shifting your own meaning-making towards what's better, lighter, easier.
Learning to respond to what is with increasing flexibility is real positive thinking. It requires acknowledging what is and then, consciously or otherwise, choosing what to make of it.
Here's the thing about positive thinking: Positive thinking is not enough. Action is required, sometimes very challenging action. Just ask Thich Nhat Hahn.
Showing posts with label outcome. Show all posts
Showing posts with label outcome. Show all posts
Monday, March 16, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Outcomes
In NLP, we talk about a establishing a well-formed outcome with a client before proceeding with change work. A well-formed outcome is a goal that contains specific elements that make achieving it possible and much more likely than a goal that doesn't have those elements.
Bothering with a WFO does several things: the simple process of making sure you've met all the "well-formedness" conditions (yes, they really call it that!) helps to fill in missing information. Filing in the blanks is sometimes enough for the client to experience more alignment with their outcome right away. Establishing a well-formed outcome also brings to light blocks, obstacles, and limiting beliefs that might need attention.
Like many techniques in NLP, the well-formed outcome conditions seem like they should be simple to elicit. They're usually taught to beginners using a series of questions, like "What do you want?" and "What would that do for you?" Because of the apparent simplicity, some people assume that they should be able to complete a worksheet on their goal and move on.
For a very few people, the worksheet approach is completely adequate. And the worksheet approach is a great way to begin to learn the well-formedness conditions. But watch a masterful demonstration of how to use those questions, and you'll see that the practitioner is doing a lot more than asking that list of questions!
Most people discover stuck places and incomplete information even in their answers to these questions. The questions themselves don't contain the full model of everything required for a well-formed outcome. But that's a story for another day.
Back to what getting a well-formed outcome does, beyond filling in the blanks of someone's goal and revealing obstacles.
Taking the time to establish a well-formed outcome also gives the practitioner the chance to listen, watch, and get a sense of the client. A classic NLP beginners' mistake (and, unfortunately, a common mistake of the legion forces of "coaches" that many internet coach universities are currently spewing out) is to move too early to problem solving or running the client through a process. Doing a recipe process by the book is great for some things when you're learning NLP, but as soon as you're ready to work with people outside the classroom, it's time to start looking, listening, and getting a sense of the person in front of you -- well before you decide which process to use or help with brainstorming solutions.
Bothering with a WFO does several things: the simple process of making sure you've met all the "well-formedness" conditions (yes, they really call it that!) helps to fill in missing information. Filing in the blanks is sometimes enough for the client to experience more alignment with their outcome right away. Establishing a well-formed outcome also brings to light blocks, obstacles, and limiting beliefs that might need attention.
Like many techniques in NLP, the well-formed outcome conditions seem like they should be simple to elicit. They're usually taught to beginners using a series of questions, like "What do you want?" and "What would that do for you?" Because of the apparent simplicity, some people assume that they should be able to complete a worksheet on their goal and move on.
For a very few people, the worksheet approach is completely adequate. And the worksheet approach is a great way to begin to learn the well-formedness conditions. But watch a masterful demonstration of how to use those questions, and you'll see that the practitioner is doing a lot more than asking that list of questions!
Most people discover stuck places and incomplete information even in their answers to these questions. The questions themselves don't contain the full model of everything required for a well-formed outcome. But that's a story for another day.
Back to what getting a well-formed outcome does, beyond filling in the blanks of someone's goal and revealing obstacles.
Taking the time to establish a well-formed outcome also gives the practitioner the chance to listen, watch, and get a sense of the client. A classic NLP beginners' mistake (and, unfortunately, a common mistake of the legion forces of "coaches" that many internet coach universities are currently spewing out) is to move too early to problem solving or running the client through a process. Doing a recipe process by the book is great for some things when you're learning NLP, but as soon as you're ready to work with people outside the classroom, it's time to start looking, listening, and getting a sense of the person in front of you -- well before you decide which process to use or help with brainstorming solutions.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)